A Day IN the Life
by snappleapple518
Summary: A story about how Esme and Olaf meet each other.
1. Chapter 1

Count Olaf never revealed it to anyone, but after the Baudelaire orphans had foiled his plan for the fifth time, at Prufrock Prep, he began to be very depressed.

He had killed off their guardians, but it seemed that even after all of the misfortune that they had undergone, they still had a strength that Count Olaf had never encountered before. He couldn't comprehend it!

He needed a plan…

One day while Esme Squalor was sitting on her very 'in' new couch reading the Daily Punctillio, the innest newspaper in town, she saw a very interesting advertisement:

Come one, Come all to some Amazing Acting Lessons!

Held at 898 Dark Avenue. 

A Word from the teacher: I was taught by Al Funcoot who is a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very reliable and kind man. He is smart and also very intelligent.

So that is why you should come to my acting lessons!

Hopefully someone as wonderful as the cities sixth most important financial advisor might show up…

Al Funcoot's Apprentice!

"Jerome!" called Esme.

"Yes, Esme dear!" he called back. He hoped that she wasn't asking to spend more money. Jerome liked to be very frugal with the money that he had. Not that he was planning on running out anytime soon or anything, but Jerome still thought that they might want to save for retirement or something…

"What would you think of me taking some acting lessons? They sound very in! And the advertisement seems to be pointed right at me! Isn't that odd…" Jerome didn't know what his wife was talking about, but he supposed that acting lessons might be all right… as long as they weren't too expensive.

"I think it sounds like a wonderful experience for you!" he called to her in a very cheerful voice. Jerome always tried to be cheerful. But inwardly let out a sigh. His wife was never interested in anything that wasn't 'in'. At one point Jerome had been very interested in bird-watching, which is a rather odd hobby where people sit around and watch birds… but Esme had told him that bird-watching was in fact the least smashing that that she had ever heard of. So Jerome had let the idea of bird-watching go. But he still thought about it sometimes.

Jerome didn't like to argue…

Esme walked to her first acting lesson, because after all, walking was in. She was also trying to work off that three pound chocolate bar that she had just eaten. Chocolate was in, and the bigger the better, but so was being bone thin. Sometimes the things that were in would conflict with one another. But Esme tried to cope the best she could.

When she rang the doorbell she was taken aback. The doorbell was shaped like an eye… eyes were _not _in.

The man who opened the door however was _very _in. He was wearing a tall velvet back hat. Velvet was very in. He was also wearing a pinstripe suit, which complimented his long, lean frame. But the innest thing about him was a thing that sat above his eyes, and below his forehead. His eyebrows were VERY in. Or should I say… eye_brow_.


	2. Chapter 2

After Esme was able to catch her breathe and get over just how 'in' this man was she asked him a question. 

"And who might such an 'in' young fellow such as you be?" she asked in the most sultry voice that she could muster up. Sultry was in.

"An 'in' young fellow such as me might be Count Olaf." He grinned down at her. She was very short. When he had put that advertisement in the paper he had not expected Esme Squalor to actually show up. It had been a sort of joke. A joke that was working out far better then he had expected.

"And who might a gorgeous 'in' babe such as you be?" he asked her. He was still smiling.

"Such a gorgeous 'in' babe such as me might be Esme Squalor." She told him with a grin. She liked his compliments. Giving compliments were very in and _getting _them were even more in.

"Well, I am very pleased to meet you Esme Squalor."

"And I am very pleased to meet you Count Olaf. You look as if you could be a very 'in' friend for me to have." Or more then a friend, she thought.

"Likewise!" he shot back. "Let the acting begin!" he shouted in a sort of announcers voice.


	3. Chapter 3

"Would you like something to drink?" asked Count Olaf. He hoped that he had what she wanted. She was a very in lady, and sometimes people that are very in want peculiar things to eat and drink.

"Oh," giggled Esme, "Do you have any parsley soda?" Count Olaf thought about this for a second.

"Yes. Yes, I do. I believe I picked some up just this morning at 'The IN Boutique' just this morning."

"Well, you know, a person as in as yourself would probably stop by 'The IN Boutique quite frequently. I know I do!" she grinned at him. What a catch this man was! He even had parsley soda!

Count Olaf got up out of the couch where they were sitting and headed over to the fridge to get Esme her parsley soda. He made sure that she stayed on the couch, because he didn't want her to see what a filthy mess his house was. The only reason that he even had parsley soda was because he honestly liked it. No kidding!

When he came back with the parsley soda she began wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Can't you see?" she asked with a disappointed sound in her voice. She kept wiggling her eyebrows. They looked like two furry caterpillars. She had tried to grow a unibrow but it just wouldn't grow in full. It was the one in thing that she hadn't been able to acquire. _Yet_.

"You're wiggling your eyebrows up and down. I can see that. But why?" he asked with a sound of disbelief in his voice.

"Oooohhh!" she exclaimed with a high-pitched squeal. Count Olaf resisted the urge to plug his ears. He didn't want to scare this in little lady away. "I was working on my acting!"

"You're a a you're a good actress!" he stuttered. Even though she wasn't. But when she was wiggling her eyebrows he _had _been convinced that she had gone completely crazy. Hopefully she was acting… he didn't want a crazy women in his house.

"Oh, thank you!" she squealed again. "It's very in to be a good actress!"

"Well, if being a good actress is in, than you are certainly the most in person that I, have ever met!"

"You're kidding? It's very in to be in!" she squealed once again.

"I am most certainly NOT kidding!" he shouted, but it was a friendly shout. _If _you can imagine Count Olaf being friendly… which I can most certainly _not_.

"So do I still need acting lessons?" she asked.

"Well…" he tapped his finger on the side of his head, which is a ridiculous way of showing that you are in fact thinking about something.

"If you want to improve your acting skills, than you would." He finally decided. At that point the ridiculous head tapping ceased. _Thank_ goodness!

"Oh, than we should start right now!" she squealed. Squealing was in, and Esme tried to fit it in whenever possible, but no matter how in squealing was, it was getting _on _Count Olaf's nerves.

"Could you _puhlease _stop squealing!" he asked in the politest voice that he could muster up. Stop squealing!" he asked in the politest voice that he could muster up. That is _if _you can imagine Count Olaf being as polite as a bald shiny-headed man in a very nice suit that is sitting under the shiny shiny sun. Cause I can't!

"But squealing is in…" she pouted.

"Actresses don't squeal." He made up an answer that would make her stop. This is another way of saying he created a big fact lie to get himself out of the situation. Which you should never never never never never never never never ever ever ever ever ever do!

"Than I don't either… because I am going to be a very successful young actriz!" she amazingly _did not _squeal this time. Whew! Glad that's over!

"Yes, you most certainly are!" he smiled at her.

A smile that reached all the way up to his shiny shiny eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next few weeks Esme and Olaf got to know each other a lot better then they had before.

Esme began to be more attracted to Olaf then Jerome. She was attracted by how tall he was. She was attracted by how impossibly 'in' his clothes were. But when she looked at that unibrow it made her shiver with delight all the way down to the bottom of her insanely fashionable shoes.

This delight was a delight that she never felt before she met Count Olaf. Especially _not _with Jerome…

But it all started one day when Count Olaf made a proclamation that would change the way they saw each other forever.

"I've heard orphans are _very _in…"


End file.
